On March 14^th Russian state television was delivering to the nation what had become a daily bulletin regarding the progress of the ‘special military operation’ in Ukraine. It was, as one can imagine, a trenchant espousal of the official position: Not only had there been no invasion of Ukraine, the Ukrainians, egged on by the rest of the world, were pushing the fake news that there had been such an invasion. Worse still, whilst being the promulgators of fake news, the Ukrainians had the audacity to accuse the Russians of planning ‘false flag’ operations. They were issuing the fake news that Russia was in the act of constructing fake news.

But hold on a minute, because it was at this point that a young news editor called Marina Ovsyannikova burst in on the broadcast brandishing a placard that dismissed the Russian position as a litany of lies and propaganda. The news that Ukraine was pushing fake news that Russia was pushing fake news was, in fact, fake news.

But hold on a minute. It wasn’t very long before the young lady was placed under arrest. The next day she appeared in court accused of spreading malicious misinformation. According to the courts, it was fake news that the Russians were engaging in fake news by accusing the Ukrainians of falsely accusing the Russians of engaging in fake news.

But hold on a minute. It wasn’t very long before a number of Ukrainian politicians smelled a rat. It seemed highly suspicious that Marina (if that was her real name) was fined only 30 000 roubles for accusing Russians of engaging in fake news by falsely accusing the Ukrainians of falsely accusing the Russians of engaging in fake news. Surely she was a plant, just another false flag operation intended to make the Russians look more tolerant then they were. It was, in fact, fake news that she was accusing Russians of engaging in fake news by accusing the Ukrainians of falsely accusing the Russians of engaging in fake news.

But hold on a minute. Who are these Ukrainian politicians? Isn’t this accusation the very sort of false ‘false flag’ accusation that the Russians had been complaining about all along? By accusing the Russians of engaging in the faked accusation that they had themselves been engaging in a fake accusation that the Ukrainians had been issuing a fake accusation that the Russian were faking the news, are they not just waving the ‘false flag’ flag falsely?

But hold on a minute. I’m an incorrigible sceptic. And are we all not hapless conspiracy theorists? So am I not bound to suggest that Ukrainian politicians are engaging in propaganda by suggesting that the Russians would fake an allegation of fakery regarding their allegations of Ukrainian fakery of Russian fakery? I have a conspiracy theory that the Ukrainians are claiming the conspiracy theory that the Russians have themselves conspired to fake an accusation of them conspiring that the Ukrainians have falsely accused the Russians of conspiracy, but actually the Ukrainians don’t really believe this. Would you?

Yes, I see it all so clearly now.

Meanwhile, back at the vaccine factory, the scientists are discussing global warming…