Fortune tapped me on the shoulder today and pulled me out line for a cavity audit. That’s right: Anthony and Charles at WUWT have been kind enough to host an article by your servant Brad.

So what’s it about? I’ve only had time to skim it, but here’s my imprécis.

They say we were all homo erectus once. Oh, how the upright have stooped (the author seems to be arguing, if he’s arguing anything). The measure of modern man is as scoliotic as a bristlecone pine on Twisted Tree Heartrot Hill, its silhouette spiraling syphilitically into a starlit sky. Verticality, veracity and virtue are virtually the last traits selected for in this twitty Twistocracy, where vigor favors the vulgar and virulence = virality.

If you ever wondered what happens when The Descent of Man goes too far, regard the taxonomic tree of speciousness that is today’s climate establishment. The article—which has the absurdly grandiose title ‘Welcome to the Shibbolithic’—seems to fancy itself some sort of field guide to this dystopiary hedge-maze.

To your far left you see the Consensus Enforcer (homo homogenistes) and his Objectless cousin (h. h. pilei). Over there is the drab, vividly-imaginative Antarctic Gridded Interpolator (homo faber). And look: it’s a Climate Porn Addict (homo eroticus) and a Scared Scientist (homo phobicus australis). Behind them, skulking in the shadows, you can just make out a Data Haram extremist (h. obfusc.), contorted by his hatred and fear of the freedom of information we enjoy in the West.

As you proceed, keep your eyes peeled for

But the astute reader will have noticed that this little bestiary suffers a big omission.

That’s right: as a test of reader astuity, I failed to mention the superweed of our particular stratum in history, the Bad Actor (h. nicholas cagensis). To find out all you ever wanted to know about this creature but weren’t sufficiently interested to ask, head on over to the Internet’s best website.

Oh, and in case you don’t like my words, there are GIFs. Should my little essay supply the mirror—or puddle—in which Lewandowsky finally grasps the need to avoid on-camera interviews, then comedy’s loss will be a win for humanitarianism. ■

Pictured The Fraidy Bunch: Australia’s Scared Scientists (h. ignavus) were thought to be extinct until a handful were sighted in 2016. Experts stress that the species isn’t out of the woods yet, as the survivors are still too scared to mate.

¹ The History of the Climate Debate makes the earliest scholarly mention of the OO meme:

June 4, 2008—The planet ‘began to heal’ and ‘the rise of the oceans [began] to slow’ this morning after registered Democrats stopped being racist. At least that’s what adherents of Ocean Obamification theory desperately want to believe.

Climate psychiatrists call them Retarded Sea Level Change [RSLC] Hopers (h. esperanto audax), but you probably know them as Common Confused Cnuts for their total misunderstanding of what the physics says: that global warming causes racism, not vice versa.