Rather like Brigadier Anquetil and the 44^th Foot, Rishi Sunak took command of an army that was already defeated. For Anquetil the options were die now, or die later; famously only one of his group ever made it back to safety, if memory serves after surviving a sabre blow to the head because he had stuffed newspaper into his hat to keep warm. For Rishi the options were rather better. For him there was still a chance to rally his forces and finally to outflank the enemy.

His chance to do so came when he blunk. He had the chance then to take a pragmatic approach to Net Zero, an approach that would put freedom and affordability, if not survivability, at its heart. He could have taken the state’s boot off the public’s face, and dared the opposition to promise to reinstate it as its prospectus for government. It is my belief that the subsequent debate would have given him his best shot of winning an election that is presently hurtling towards us. [Although the Rwanda debacle might have sunk his chances anyway.]

Here’s what he said back in September regarding the imposition of electric vehicles on an unwilling populace:

But we can do all this in a fairer, better way – and today I can set out the details of what our new approach will mean for people.

That starts with electric vehicles.

We’re working hard to make the UK a world-leader.

I’m proud that we’ve already attracted billions of new investments from companies like Tata’s Jaguar Land Rover gigafactory.

And I expect that by 2030, the vast majority of cars sold will be electric. Why?

Because the costs are reducing; the range is improving; the charging infrastructure is growing.

People are already choosing electric vehicles to such an extent that we’re registering a new one every 60 seconds.

But I also think that at least for now, it should be you the consumer that makes that choice, not government forcing you to do it.

Because the upfront cost is still high – especially for families struggling with the cost of living.

Small businesses are worried about the practicalities.

And we’ve got further to go to get that charging infrastructure truly nationwide.

And we need to strengthen our own auto industry, so we aren’t reliant on heavily subsidised, carbon intensive imports, from countries like China.

So, to give us more time to prepare, I’m announcing today that we’re going to ease the transition to electric vehicles.

You’ll still be able to buy petrol and diesel cars and vans until 2035.Even after that, you’ll still be able to buy and sell them second-hand.

Let me just repeat one bit:

And I expect that by 2030, the vast majority of cars sold will be electric. Why?

Er – wait, I know this one. Me me me me!

Yes, Jit?

Is it because he’s going to compel every car manufacturer to sell four EVs to every one ICE vehicle in 2030, or else pay a crippling fine on every ICE vehicle out of quota?

Wrong. The vast majority of new cars would be electric…

Because the costs are reducing; the range is improving; the charging infrastructure is growing.

Note the big fat “because” there. Of course, if Rishi believed that, he wouldn’t force the punters to buy EVs. But he did. It was a sort of “any colo[u]r you like so long as it’s black” offer.

Here’s how the SoS for Transport, Mark Harper, put it in the Commons on October 16^th:

We have cut emissions faster than any G7 country, pledged a decarbonised transport sector by 2050—the first major economy to do so—and today we have laid another world-leading piece of legislation: the zero-emission vehicle mandate. Manufacturers will now meet minimum targets of clean car production, starting with 22% next year and reaching 80% by 2030. It stands to be one of the largest carbon-saving policies across Government, and manufacturers are on board. They will deliver a mandate that they helped shape, a product of partnership between this Government and industry that has been not months but years in the making. These targets are now embedded in their forecasts, and that certainty has inspired investment, protected existing jobs and paved the way for new jobs, too. Look at the past few months: BMW, Stellantis and Tata are expanding their electric vehicle operations right across the UK, from Oxford to Merseyside.

Thereby exposing what Rishi had said as, er, empty rhetoric. The freedom of choice of his offer was an illusion, just like Henry Ford’s. And as for “the largest carbon-saving” policy? Balderdash. Tripe. We will be lucky if this measure saves the equivalent of a sack of coal.

At least the Opposition plunged in, announcing its intention to defend the average punter from this Galaxy-scale governmental overreach.

Ha! As if. They actually skipped that part of Harper’s statement altogether. It was neatly bundled up with the announcement that HS2 was going to be shortened (not, in this author’s prescription, eliminated totally), and that was what most of the debate centred on.

However, time moved on, and last week time moved on far enough that the vote on the relevant Order was due. Even knowing that it was due, I still missed it in Hansard. How so? It was filed in an obscure place, under Commons Chamber / Business Without Debate. Well, it happened on Tuesday. Without debate. You can find the record of who voted what in Hansard here.

The vote was carried 381 to 37, thus ensuring motorist misery until at least 2029, when [in my fever-dream] the Starmer government loses the election to a Conservative Party running on a populist manifesto. [Why is populism so unpopular? That’s something that has always confused me.]

In my kinder moments, I think of those 381 as well-meaning but dull, as daisy-chewing quadrupeds following one another down a curious single-file run that terminates in a building that sells hot sausages from a hatch on its opposite side. At other times, the things I think of them are not fit to print. But what of the Rebels, the few remaining members willing to stand up for their constituents against the green tyranny? I immortalise their names below, or at least, place them here for safe keeping for a while.

Afriyie, Adam
Bradley, Ben
Braverman, rh Suella
Bridgen, Andrew
Campbell, Mr Gregory
Cash, Sir William
Cates, Miriam
Chope, Sir Christopher
Davies, Philip
Donaldson, rh Sir Jeffrey M.
Drax, Richard
Duncan Smith, rh Sir Iain
Fysh, Mr Marcus
Girvan, Paul
Green, Chris
Gullis, Jonathan
Hayes, rh Sir John
Holloway, Adam
Jenkyns, Dame Andrea
Jones, rh Mr David
Liddell-Grainger, Mr Ian
Lockhart, Carla
Mackinlay, Craig (Proxy vote cast by Mr Marcus Jones)
Mills, Nigel
Morris, Anne Marie
Nici, Lia
Paisley, Ian
Patel, rh Priti
Redwood, rh John
Rees-Mogg, rh Sir Jacob
Roberts, Mr Rob
Robinson, Gavin
Shannon, Jim
Tomlinson, Justin
Wiggin, Sir Bill
Wilson, rh Sammy

I happened to notice that Cash, Sir William apparently walked through both lobbies. Does this voting irregularity invalidate the entire process? I really hope so. I’m saying he meant to vote “No.” Along with the loyal blue Yesses we had the likes of Corbyn, Jeremy and Lucas, Caroline. And yet nothing seemed to twig in the Conservatives’ minds. Bizarre.

History records that Brigadier Anquetil went down sword in hand. Sunak’s defeat will be rather more easy to bear. But when he is doing whatever he does once the removal van has taken his things from Downing Street, he might think back to his chance to steer the green avalanche away from the little people who are just trying to get on with their lives, and wonder what might have been.